Notes From the Road:Benjamin Franklin once said, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Today I want to tell you how wrong he is. For example, if you want to spend a US dollar in Europe, you also need to earn enough to pay Federal Taxes, State Taxes, Medicare, State Disability insurance, Exchange rate losses, ATM fees, and 15% “Value Added” Tax in most countries. I’ve run out of fingers and toes to count on, but I’d say that old Ben should be a little embarrassed for saying this considering that he also claimed, “The only certain things in life are death and taxes.” As you can see, saving money is more important than even the guy on the C note gave it credit for. So, here is my wooden nickel’s worth of advice on how to make the most of your Benjamin’s while abroad.

Lodging: Lodging is expensive, so let’s start there. You don’t have to sleep under a bridge like a hobo. Here are some better options:

1) Ask the police. Police rarely make friends doing their jobs, so they will make every effort to be nice to you if you’re not doing something wrong. Best case, they fight over which officer’s house your going to stay at. Worse case, you’re staying at the station with a bucket shower.

2) Home improvement stores often have cabins outside. The prices tags are if you want to buy – but there is no fee to try.

3) Churches. Often unlocked. Don’t ask, just walk in. Plenty of sleeping space and bathrooms. Remember: It is always better to plea forgiveness than ask permission. That’s why they have confessionals, but not permissionals.

Bathrooms: Do not pay for bathrooms! Where else in life do you enter a building, pay money, and then leave with less than you entered with? Always seek a free option first – but if one does not exist, go to McDonalds and buy a cheeseburger to get the bathroom code. At least you’re getting needed calories, and supporting an American company to boot. ‘MERICA! F YEAH.

Smoking: This is a great area to save a load. Simply position yourself 1/∞ mm from any European. This should be within their “personal comfort zone,” meaning that they are now comfortable enough to light up and share their smoke with you. What? You’re a cyclist on Strava who doesn’t smoke? Well, we met a Dutch bike tourist in Norway, and a Swiss bike tourist in Bosnia. Both smoked their way to those respective destinations – the Dutch guy even had two during our short encounter.

Alcohol: You like to drink, I know that… but drinking is expensive. Here are some cheap and free solutions:

1) Cheap Solution: buy the right alcohol in the right country. Austria=Beer; Spain=Wine; Norway=Water. Hey, what’s wrong with water? You’re just drinking wine for the taste, right? Besides, Norway’s water is intoxicating. How do you think they came up with “What does the fox say?”

2) Free Solution: Camp where you’re not allowed. Get caught. Get permission. Get offered Moonshine. That’s pretty much the routine, step by step.

Well, that should cover all the primary needs. So now that I have given you my two cents, remember not to spend it all in one place.