01/04/2024 Bikepacking Guinea Day 149 : We Make Smooth Going for you

by Brian · Published January 4, 2024 · Updated March 3, 2024

“We cannot give you the visa here. I am sorry,” said the kind policeman.

“I already have the visa,” I said as I showed him my printed visa and the receipt for my payment. I had just spent half an hour in the previous town working around internet blockages to find a way to get the documents from my phone to the phone of the guy with a printer.

The policeman looked at my papers. He eked out a smile, but was resolute: “As you can see, we do not have many resources here.” He pointed to the dark building with broken windows, “we do not have computers here or electricity.”

“I understand,” I said. But I have the approved visa and a receipt. All I need is a stamp.”

“We ran out of ink,” came his reply.

There are only 5 countries with a lower GNI than Sierra Leone… Afghanistan… Somalia.. you get the picture. I wasn’t going to pressure these weary guys who really didn’t have anything to work with.

The immigration man took me into the dark building that resembled a haunted house smelling of gasoline. He led me through the rooms using his phone as a flashlight, but I lost him. I called out, “help; I can’t find you.” He came back and took me through a few more doorways to “headquarters”, where he copied down my information with a pen. I snuck a photo of him.

They gave me a man’s phone number in Kabala (30 miles away). I am supposed to go to his house tomorrow, and he will help me become official.

I said, “Please, is there any way we can take care of this here?”

“Ah, we know the American people do not want complications. I understand you are worried about complications. We know Americans like ‘Smooth Going!’ But we will make Smooth Going for you,” he said resignedly.

******

Before I got to Sierra Leone, I had to check out of Guinea. Today would be the first time on this trip where I would see people arguing. A few times, actually, but the most memorable argument was while I was sitting in the humid 95F air, listening to a woman with a baby slung on her back yell at the man who was looking at my passport. The fight was in French, not Pulaar, so I could understand her say, “YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MILITARY THAT YOU CAN…”. The guy with my documents got up and rushed towards her violently. He went to get something out of his pockets, but the other guys calmed him down. As a result of this commotion, I did not get stamped out of Guinea… which is fine with me. I actually want to go back to do the other highlands; this 500 mile “commute” to Sierra Leone is only so I can go to a big city to get the Ivory Coast visa.

I asked the man at the Sierra Leone border, “How many bicycles come through here per year?”

“Bicycles? No bicycles. One time we had someone like you (a white man). He was from England, but he was on a motorcycle.”

I bid them farewell with a smile. I liked them, and they spoke English! It really wasn’t their fault that they have nothing… this looks like it will be a common theme for Sierra Leone.

To my surprise, the Sierra Leone road was worse than the Guinea road. I haven’t ever seen a road that was actually “in use” in this condition. I passed a 4-wheeled vehicle going uphill… and it never caught me again. It was a series of 20% climbs followed by 20% descents.

I had just bounced through the nadir of one of slopes, when an guy on a motorcycle came over the top of the next one way too fast. He fell into the same chute that I was in, and slid down the rut as if it were a playground slide. He was headed straight towards me. At the last second, I jumped as far as I could out of his trajectory (a few inches in this precarious position)… and the motorcycle and man narrowly slid right below me and my bike.

I went to help him up, but he was already on his feet. His motorcycle was obviously beat up from before the crash, but below the bell shaped cover on the motor, we both saw that the engine was bleeding oil. He had cracked the housing. He dipped his hand into the oil puddle that was forming black mud in the dust. He smelled his finger and smiled faintly. We both knew he didn’t have long before his engine would seize. He remounted the bike and hurried off to use up the last minutes of his engine.

Remember, these are like full-on mountain bike trails, so although many of these pilots drive as if they were John Tomac, few of them actually have the necessary skills. They make up for the lack of skill by blasting their horns for prolonged periods of time.

I finally came to a village. It seems the only vestige from Guinea (food wise) is the deep fried dough balls. Apart from that there didn’t seem to be any food along the road - Like not even mayonnaise.

But I found a kid with the ability to change some money. He said he could help me, but at a dramatically reduced rate compared to 2 days ago.

“There is a lot of inflation right now,” he said, referring to the explosion of the oil depot in Conakry. “See those motorcycles? They are carrying those jugs full of fuel to sell in Guinea.”

I guess I’m lucky that the guy who nearly hit me wasn’t carrying those jugs.

“I can give you 300 Leones for every million Guinea Franc,” he said. “Last week, I could give 450.”

He was nice, and I needed money. I’m not planning on finding an ATM in the country, so I agreed. I looked at my currency converter app and noticed there were two numbers for Sierra Leone.

“Oh, that is the old currency,” he explained, “we dropped 3 zeros in April.” I asked him if prices are quoted in the new currency or the old… remembering Mauritania where the currency changed 3 years ago, but people were still adding on the one zero that had been dropped.

“No, if someone tells you a price, it’s the new currency. We do not use the old numbers.”

He handed me my wad of cash and said, “Count it. This is 1.7 million.”

“Wait, I thought you said you didn’t use the old numbers… but you just added 3 zeros,” I exclaimed.

He slapped his head and smiled, “oh yeah, I forgot.”

I said, “well, it does sound cooler to say ‘one million,’ so thank you.”

He laughed, but so far today, I mostly only got chuckles when trying to say something funny. It seems difficult to make people laugh here.

….And that was just the beginning! But I’ve got to go to sleep, so maybe I’ll tell you more tomorrow.

Photos:

Yesterday, a night watchman came to sleep at the cellphone tower. The trail was so steep, I had to carry my bike stuff in trips. People walk steep trails in the dark here - so wild camping can be tricky. If you get found, though, no one seems t care. He wanted me to come sleep inside the tower with him! This morning he came to watch me pack up. I had slept well, feeling more secure with him there. I asked why he was there, and pantomimed someone jumping over the wall. Yea, that is why he was here - to keep people from vandalizing the tower. This was an MTM tower, and I’m using the carrier “Orange”.. I wonder who is doing the vandalism? —

I could take 100 odd photos like this per day. —

Let’s make Guinea great again in 3 steps: Step 1: Provide access to clean filtered Internet Step 2: Make it difficult to access harmful substances such as water that has been underground or hyper palatable food, which might cause people to gain weight. Step 3: Invest nothing in the road infrastructure, which will reduce traffic accidents by 50% because the roads will be completely impassable during the rainy season, which lasts half the year. ********* Meanwhile, from what might-as-well be a different planet, a certain family member sends me emails titled, “California is Implementing $2.6 Billion Plan to Give Illegal Immigrants Free Healthcare”, “Life Expectancy in the U.S. Is Now Dropping in the Aftermath of the Jab”, and emails complaining about how unconstitutional taxes are in the US… Putting it all together, I say, “let’s just pay the taxes, and that can be our ‘charity’ for the year. As a side benefit, we can have clean water that you don’t have to carry for miles, food options besides rice and fish, uncensored internet, and paved roads” 😂 I saw another guy with white skin today! He looked to be from China by his appearance. He was working at the mine, directing people where to go. Based on my observations, China is open to providing “aid” for “important” needs such as mines and television. Hopefully, this makes you laugh and that readers see my posts are for entertainment purposes only. I don’t plan to change the world or sway anyone’s mind one way or another with my little quips. But I am really seeing this stuff. I can buy scraps of paper with internet codes everywhere I go… but it can take some work to buy oranges, bananas, or find well water…. You already know the entire list of available foods. Beyond that list, little else exists. This I promise you. The ones who “provide stuff” are not bashful about putting up their signs everywhere either. —

People rest mid day (background). Notice anything special hanging from the shock of this bike? Another common sight. —

This happens so often that I decided to film it today. Whenever I want to buy more than one item, it turns into a game of “Show me the proof!” A crowd gathers and people from the street get involved in the arithmetic. It is funny, but sad at the same time. I already know the prices now, so I can calculate in my head the final tab. The people selling the stuff are NOT trying to cheat me, but bills go back and forth as they do and re-do the math. I pulled the camera out after 5 minutes of back-and-forth. The guys from the street sometimes yell out numbers and it can get chaotic. In the end, I always pay the correct price. Then it’s time to go to the next stall to buy the next necessity… it would probably be faster to just buy one sardine can at a time instead of saying that I need 5 all at once. —

I pretended to be looking at my phone so I could bring you a photo of the entrance headquarters! I’m in Sierra Leone right now, though not legally yet. Gotta go to some guys’ house for that tomorrow. Room illumination by cell phone. —

The sun set. It was 30 miles from the border of extremely difficult riding… Then a nice surprise: the last 7 miles of that were on excellent pavement! I had to keep stopping for all the motorcycles who would try to pull me over and say, “I want to talk to you.” Normally, I would stop for some, but I was filthy and soaked in sweat and knew I’d be riding in the dark. I was hoping for a hotel with Air Conditioning to rejuvenate after such an arduous day. It was quite a wild ride in the dark; they have ropes pulled across the road as checkpoints in many locations, so you have to be very careful you don’t run into any. —

You need a wad of cash to get a hotel room. I went to a couple hotels, but because of the issue with fuel being exported from Sierra Leone to those long queues in Guinea, they are not running the generators to make power for Air Conditioning. I was bummed- might as well have camped. Here is what you get inside a hotel room: A bed, a TV, dogs barking, 95F air. Here is what you don’t get: No Wi-Fi, no hot water, no toilet paper, no trash can, no towel. I can’t complain, though; I’m living no worse than anyone who lives here year round - and right now, these are the best possible weather conditions; the roads are open and not closed by rain yet… and the humidity isn’t quite 100% yet either. —

I had to rinse a dozen times and it still comes out dirty. —

Strava Comments:

Ann L.

There are no words for how tough life must be there. They ran out of ink?… was that a rooster or hen hanging from the bike? The differences between here and there are so unbelievable.

Daniel B.

Thank you for documenting your experiences Brian, i really appreciate reading them!

Sօʀƈɛʀɛʀ 🅅.

This entry attains another level of deprivation. The food purchase video is crazy. When I think of how slick it is to go to a supermarket like we just did this evening compared to that! Americans do like it smooth.

Mark G.

ditto Ann Luce and yes, I think a rooster perhaps. Amazing video and your skill at negotiations while smiling is super impressive. BTW I like the border guy's suit jacket definitely legit.

Mike F.

I wish I had heard about your trip earlier. I’m really enjoying your stories. Stay safe and well 🙏🏼

Janet W.

You're doing a great job of describing Western Africa, but I guess it is still hard for us smooth Americans to grasp. I'm glad you started in Morocco before exploring the 'real Africa". You're certainly enjoying the people and communicating to get the jobs done, no matter what the subject is. That's crazy that no bike trailers had passed through that border before. You're one of a kind!

Stan H.

Another remarkable post, Brian. Great video of your purchase. Regarding the wells, per Stanford University, in 2018 $55 million was invested in water and sanitation in six African nations by the Hilton Foundation, and $1.9 million to monitor the results. It was estimated a third of the pumps didn’t work. They found that a pump is more than just a pump. It’s part of a broader system that requires resources, information and accountability. The ICRC says it funded training for repair techs in each town. 🤔it’s that old thing of high tech vs appropriate tech like the bucket system in Senegal. The obvious problem with the bucket system is contamination (and safety!) which isn’t a problem if you have filtration and UV. Thanks for piquing my curiosity!

Stan H.

Also, I appreciate your use of humor to illustrate the difference in the US regarding taxes.

Tony B.

Another fascinating story about life outside of the U.S. It sounds like pumps are just part of the problem. If the infrastructure is so bad that you can’t get electricity anywhere pumps are useless unless they are hand operated.

DogMeat Q.

Smooth going my friend, Smooth going!!!

Brian L.

Stan Hooper - thanks for looking that up! With 6 nations, each seems to be different. Guinea is pulling the 1/3 figure down (though I only saw a sliver of the country where it was a much higher percentage of non-working)! Of course, dates mater… it’s 2023 now, so more may be broken since that report. Obviously the money was put to good use: the wells exist. I think the only problem I see is the sealed tops in Guinea. There may be a reason for that (like you say, sanitation and safety). I wonder if they were worried about disease spreading mosquitos breeding down there? That may explain why further north, they were open tops?

Stan H.

Good question about mosquitoes. Turns out the six countries are Burkina Faso, Ethiopia, Ghana, Mali, Niger and Uganda. UNICEF started a program in Guinea to hand auger wells and bring the water up with solar powered pumps. Sounds like you are seeing neither of these programs.

Brian L.

Stan Hooper thanks for your reply. Solar pumps… even more to go wrong than hand pumps. For example I’m in a hotel room with air conditioning. However, because there is no electricity, I have no water (pump) or air conditioning, or battery charger for that matter. I think my point is: The solutions we apply at home are inappropriate for this part of the world. It needs to be simple.